DUNK you very much!

If you're looking for some HOT HOOPS and COOOOOOOL DRINKS, and you need something to do this Saturday... Swing by the Taste of Dallas!

The sexy fun folks at Sprite and the NBA are bringing the best slam dunkers in Dallas out to the West End... And YOU can vote for the most "slammin" dunker in the bunch!

The event kicks off at 4 p.m. and is absolutely FREE! Recession-friendly family fun, NBA sanctioned, and Sprite sponsored slam-a-rama good times!

Again, the Slam Dunk Showdown throws down at 4:00 p.m. at the West End in Dallas, with NBA legend Darryl Dawkins on hand to lend the whole event some slam-tastic credibility.

Do you like SLAM DUNKS? Do you like text messaging? Do you like Facebook or Twitter?

Then you'll LOVE the Slam Dunk Showdown!!!

If your life is lacking in meaning or joy, join Darryl Dawkins, the NBA, Sprite, and your friends here at TY Sports in a sexy fun adventure, 4:00 p.m. at the West End in Dallas!

And if the super SLAMS are too hot for you... You can cool off with an ice-cold SPRITE!

If you don't show up, Sprite and the NBA won't be able to count YOUR VOTE. And YOUR VOTE MATTERS! You, the fan, can help Sprite and the NBA determine once and for all (until maybe next year) who the greatest dunker in Dallas is!

"Big D" isn't just for Dallas anymore... It's for BIG DUNK! And again, it's TOTALLY FREE!

WE'LL SEE YOU THERE!!!1!

SURPRISE

Much like that registered sex offender at the end of your cul de sac, we've moved. We can now be found at here. It's all the fun and laughs you've come to expect, plus a few surprises.

In the meantime, please feel free to leave a comment about that old Lance Armstrong post. We love when people do that.

Also, watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Don't wake the dead

Damn you, Brett Vito. All we want to do is enjoy our semi-blog death in peace and here you go poking and prodding us with your cheap shots. Look, we get it - you blog everyday, sometimes several times a day and have pissed off more people than we can ever hope to with your shocking factual reminders of how North Texas teams perform on the field. You even have a GMG.com account with your name on it - which is more than we can say for some. We get it, you're Brett Vito and we're not.

Still, can you just let us rest in peace?

We figured it might help if we left a note - so here goes:

Dear Reader,

The blog has been boarded up. The windows, the doors, everything. There is absolutely no way to get inside. We're at the Comfort Inn. Room 112.

I love you,

TY

Coup d’état, Skippy style

Like Oprah's weight gain, Tommy Lee's hepatitis and Steve Jobs' cancerous pancreas, Skippy is back with a vengeance to submit a guest column while asserting hypothetical dominance. While we continue to struggle to figure out the best way to lead a team of donkeys into battle against the cold steel of Bolivian tanks and artillery, this bastard is making his push to win your hearts. Enjoy(?)

So while Ioannis is in South America, fomenting revolution in Bolivia, I thought I might provide a little love to the TY Sports faithful. And unlike TY, I mean that figuratively. Unless you are a fine looking lady, then we can talk… But in the meantime, let’s revisit what Ioannis really brings to the table.

I know you all miss Ioannis’s shenanigans, but seriously he kind of sucks. I mean anyone can take pictures of douchery. Look at these gems from the UNT vs Arkansas State game.

Texas douche enjoys a beer at the Ben E Keith tent

2 for 1 douches: RockChalk and Pittsburg Penguins

The rare speckled breasted Texas Rangers douche

Now that is some good douche reporting! Ioannis never brought you a Rangers douche. Only Skippy can force-feed you such genius.

And pictures of Rick V? Come on has Ioannis ever brought you these tight buttocks?

Ricky V shows his good side

And what about all his so-called “research” he brings to the table? It all leads to the same thing: he misses Darrell Dickey and thinks Todd Dodge sucks. Wow. I am blown away. That is irreplaceable. And about as useful as 3 out of 4 dentists recommending Trident gum. You can’t blow bubbles with it, so screw it. Watch, I can do it too.

Todd Dodge is off to the worst start in North Texas history. If we look at the history of sucky head coaches, we can see he is doomed for failure. I heart Brett Vito’s giant noggin and Darrell Dickey.

See? Easy! I think I should just replace him permanently.

Besides, I had my doubts about this Bolivia nonsense anyway. So I did a little digging and I think I know the real story here. I think that Ioannis is really in Greece leading the riots against the government.

This picture from Reuters clearly shows the calling card Anarchy symbol that Ioannis is so known for. And if you squint hard enough, you can make out his form in the shadows, using lasers against Greek police. My suspicions were confirmed by this email response I received from Ioannis.

“Skippy, you are correct. I am not in Bolivia, but in Greece shooting the police with lasers and painting anarchy symbols on burning cars.”

Is this really the type of person you want providing your dick jokes and fake sports news? I think not.

So to inaugurate the reign of Skippy the Greek Slayer, I bring you this excellent oil stain from the Blockbuster parking lot that looks like a penis:

Clearly, this is an omen from God that I must take Ioannis’s place.

And sinceGoMeanGreen.com laid down the law on swearing, I empower you all to say shit and fuck as much as you want here!

Long live Skippy!!!

More Media Hate

Fuck newspapers and fuck merger agreements.

From Frontburner:

So, once the Star-T signs off on this, the News will run ST stories on the Rangers and motorsports. And the ST will run News stories on the Stars and the Mavs. And both papers will continue to “compete’’ on the Cowboys, though at one point, the ST was actually considering given up the Cowboys to the News. … Which, as someone must have realized, makes sense because the Cowboys are moving to Tarrant County, remember.

The only semi-winner in this thing, on the surface, would seem to be Nancy’s BFF, Evan Grant, the fine Rangers beat writer who is getting “promoted’’ to Morning News beat writer for the Cowboys. Not sure if he thinks it’s a promotion (Nancy won’t say … b****). He’ll go from full ownership of the Rangers to competing with ESPN trying to break Cowboys stories. And I have no idea how much he likes football, but I KNOW he absolutely lives for stuff between the lines (the games) and even the geeky stuff in the off-season, like the baseball winter meetings. So even the winner loses.

We can now get 17 people writing about the fucking Cowboys and Anthony Henry's infected taint muscle but will lose Evan Grant's ability to cover baseball? This makes me a very sad panda.

I know we're not posting

But this morning I was driving in to work and was listening to Sports Radio 1310 The Ticket discuss the latest over-blown, grating Cowboys controversy where the little bitch quarterback who turns the ball over all the time playing for the overrated offensive genius who can't figure out how to use freaking Roy Williams when even Mike Martz could (not my words, but a Cowboy-hating friend) was called out by his receivers.

Hey, I've been called out by my receivers before, but that is why they make ball gags.

Any who, some local white-trash yokel calls in with this gem (paraphrased three hours later):

"You know, a lot of people here like TO when he is catching passes and doing well, but now he's not even doing that. Some people might have forgotten about when he desecrated the Star as a 49er, but not me. I've never forgiven him!"

Are you kidding me? If I hear one more bullshit rant about TO "desecrating" the star I am going to stab someone in the neck with a pair of scissors, then run an orgy/drug ring out of a Valley Ranch neighborhood home, then arrange a whore caravan to join me on my next trip to Phoenix, then make arrangements to bang stewardesses during charter flights and then do some blow off of hookers in a hotel room. Oh wait, I'm not 90% of the 1990s Cowboys roster. If that statement pisses you off, then read this book immediately.

I guess i'm just a bad fan who needs to get in line, so here goes:

THIS IS A FOOTBALL TOWN!!!!! ROMO IS A FORCE WHO KNOWS HOW TO MAKE PLAYS!! WE HAVE TOO MANY WEAPONS TO BE SLOWED!!!! WE'RE DOING WHAT THE GIANTS DID LAST YEAR AND PEAKING ON DEFENSE LATE!!! WE CONTROL OUR OWN DESTINY!!!! YEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Kill me. Go Falcons.

Florida Gators unveil new strategy to contain Sam Bradford

In an extremely unorthodox move, Urban Meyer has already announced his team's strategy to bottle up the explosive Sooners offense by using a tried and true strategy from America's great and noble history.

"We watch a lot of film, and you really can't argue that there has been a better way to stop folks like Bradford," Meyer said. "We'll be sending these each and every day through kickoff."

While several coaches have praised history for the return of the single wing around all levels of football, this strategy is seen as even more retro - and bold.

"We don't even run snaps under center anymore because it went out of style 4 years ago," said North Texas football coach Todd dodge in a rare moment of candor while horseback-riding with Fort Worth Star-Telegram reporter Troy Phillips. "Who the heck has time to study film from the 18th and 19th centuries?"

The Oklahoma Sooners have not been reached for comments, but team sources say Stoops is hard at work trying to hook Tebow up with "the perfect car dealership job" for the holidays.