The Koncak League

For an explanation of what spawned the idea for The Koncak League, be sure to read Part 1.

When the incompetent white force meets the immobile white object... Hilarity ensues.

The Koncak League is TY Sports' way of celebrating the lack of contributions of an entire generation of not-black basketball players. Nature has few natural wonders more beautiful than watching an uncoordinated, slow-footed, and completely terrified white guy get his ass handed to him on both ends of the basketball court.

Our commissioner, naturally, had to be Mr. Koncak himself. And he was also our template for who should and should not be allowed in his namesake league.

The Rules of Eligibility:

1. Only players from the post-Koncak era (1985 draft through the present)
   
   
2. Only 1st round NBA draft picks need apply
   
   
3. The mere mention of any potential Koncak League player's name should immediately result in uncontrollable laughter, groaning, eye-rolling, a sincere questioning of "Who?", or some combination thereof
   
   
4. So as to avoid eligible players having to relive the embarrassments of their past, this league would be segregated. No black players allowed. Try not to think of it as racial discrimination... Think of it as the white guy equivalent of being allowed to hit from the ladies' tee in golf.
   

With those guidelines in place, we set out to populate the Koncak League... the Pro Basketball equivalent of a Tour de France run with training wheels. Unfortunately, the rules eliminated many of the most notoriously spare white guys in NBA history.

Sentimental favorites like Jake Voskuhl, Brian Cardinal, Chris Dudley, Tim Legler, Chris Andersen, Chris Jent, Brian Scalabrine, Slava Medredenko, Matt Bonner, Jud Buechler, Tom Tolbert, Jack Haley, Matt Geiger, Andrew DeClerq, Fred Hoiberg, Evan Echmeyer, Todd MacCulloch, and Gheorghe Muresan were all off the table because they weren't 1st round draft picks.

Historical stiffs like Frank Brickowski, Mark Eaton, Danny Schayes, and Greg Kite were all drafted before Koncak, and therefore ineligible for 'Cak League consideration.

But even with all of those inadequate and untalented players out of consideration, we still found ourselves with more than enough guys to create a league of 6 clearly defined teams.

The American Conference:
Team Kansas/Duke/North Carolina
Team Danny Ferry
Team John Paxson

The International Conference:
Team Lenin
Team Tito
Team Auslander

We managed to populate all six teams with 12 qualifying and uniquely appropriate players each. Only three exceptions to the Rules of Eligibility were made... But you'll have to read through the rosters to find out what they were.

And we're pleased to say that we were also able to secure the services of a 'Cak League eligible player to sing the national anthem before each game... Former Dallas Maverick Jim Farmer! Just as he used to cheapen the definition of the phrase "pro basketball player," he now cheapens the definition of "hit single" in his new career as a musician.

Hopefully he can get though the anthem without screaming a string of obscenities at the referees (check that Wikipedia link!).

Enjoy our celebration of white baller sub-mediocrity. And once again... Many thanks are due to special consultant AC Ballplayer. Without his masochistically encyclopedic knowledge of talentless white guys past and present, this feature would not have been possible.