Thursday, October 2, 2008

False (?) Allegations: Skippy uncovers the horrible truth

Since Skippy's first entry into TY-land was as tepidly received as the rest of the crap we write, it is only fair that we give him a returning gig. It's a good thing we did, because he has uncovered something so shocking that we couldn't even make it up while drinking beer at a tailgate tent while basking in faux celebrity if we tried. Skippy, the floor is once again yours.


The fall-out from the Rice debacle last weekend continues to grow. North Texas officials are working on a proposal to ensure that UNT football will never again be the laughing stock of college football in the DFW Metroplex. In spite of the promise that a new stadium brings, UNT Athletic Director Rick Villareal and President Gretchen Bataille are apparently considering some extreme measures to improve the stature of UNT football. A draft the proposal obtained from a confidential source within the President’s office outlines the radical plan: revive UTA football.

According to e-mails between the AD and President, both parties are concerned about the failure of Coach Todd Dodge to immediately turn around the Mean Green on the field. The renewal of football at UTA would create an under-funded Metroplex rival that SMU would be more likely to mock than the Mean Green. Villareal states:

“If [the Mustang fans] call UNT alumni gardeners and waiters, think of how poorly they will portray UTA grads on their message boards. I want a program that our fans can be proud of. You know how many people I have to call a day to get someone to listen to me? If UTA was out there really stinking it up, I could start posting on GoMeanGreen again.”

The plan calls for UTA football to be funded out of the new UNT athletics fee set to be approved this month by the student body. While the majority of the fee would go to service the debt on the new stadium, a small portion – fifty cents per credit hour – would be funneled to UTA athletics. In return for the money, the UTA athletics department would agree to never increase funding for their football program beyond that level, thus ensuring their inability to compete successfully in D1 football. The agreement would also include a 25 year commitment to play UNT at the new stadium, with no return games at Maverick Stadium. UTA must also commit to hiring Darrell Dickey as head football coach.

Additionally, UNT would pressure Sun Belt officials to immediately accept UTA into the conference. In their communications, UNT officials express confidence that SBC Commissioner Wright Waters would support UTA’s candidacy because they “have pictures of Waters kissing a black tranny at the 2003 New Orleans Bowl.” UTA’s presence in the Belt would guarantee a home conference win for UNT each year, something that no other SBC team could count on. UNT hopes that UTA can begin playing football within the week so that they can add them to this year’s schedule. Villareal believes that it would be ideal to take on the Mavericks on November 15, currently an open date. Acknowledging that this would create an illegal 13 game schedule, Villareal proposes dropping a game from the current line-up of opponents, specifically the Rice game - thus eliminating one loss from this year’s record.

Calls to President Bataille’s office were not returned, while calls to Villareal’s office were immediately disconnected upon mentioning TY Sports.

Skippy -- out.

3 comments:

Gothic R said...

I linked this from the C-USA forum, which has a bizarre obsession with public schools in Texas that don't currently play D-1A football. This should help your hit count by literally tens of views.

lazy ioannis said...

Our sweet, sexy seduction of the Rice community is already paying dividends.

Nice work again, Skippy. I've always said that if you can't climb up the ladder, at least try to hammer on a rung or two below where you're standing.

That's progress, baby!

NT93agle said...

With my uncle over there, They'd be New Orleans Bowl Champs in no time!!