This recap is vintage and you’re too immature to appreciate it. Look, I don’t owe you a thing. You don’t pay me anything and you selfishly demand that I make you laugh for …well for what? Your attention? Your goodwill? I don’t even know you – I don’t need you. I have a wife and testicles the size of grapefruits, so I am already living the American dream.
OK, fine. I’ve been at a lame business conference and had to neglect you a little. Sure, I had time for pithy one liners and some hand-holding, but I just couldn’t open my heart and give you anything from inside my heart. Tasty keeps giving you bad news sprinkled with history and math (gross), but let’s spread me open and enjoy what’s inside.
HOMECOMING PARADE ACTION!
I watched the Homecoming Parade from a grassy hill with a few companions who knew nothing about homecoming parades. Did you know that Texas and A&M don’t have Homecoming Games? They were so puzzled and intrigued and were expecting to see quite a show. Indeed, they saw:
A Militia!
The lead gunner!
Bored girls texting while marching in a FREAKING PARADE!
I have some other photos of really well put together floats and a giant bus of whores courtesy of Rockin’ Rodeo, but we’ll skip them and just let it be known that the non-UNT folks were not impressed with the show. I didn’t have as many problems, but it would be nice if people at least pretended that being a part of the parade wasn’t such a damn inconvenience.
Speaking of inconvenience, there was a second parade of cars trying to park because of the decision to close every freaking parking lot on campus for no logical reason. Don’t ask the cops why you can’t park near Clark Hall, because they have no freaking idea either. I’d say the delay ruined the crowd, but the parade was running over an hour behind, so things just kind of worked themselves out (unless you’re smart.)
Inside the stadium, we enjoyed another redundant ass-kicking from the student section that is not even worth mentioning. Every damn home game this year has been like watching a crappy movie on repeat, so if you want to make your own recap, just choose from this list:
1.) Pass to the flat
2.) Field goal attempt in weird circumstances
3.) Special teams breakdown
4.) Fitzgerald being good at sports
5.) Another pass to the flat
6.) Defensive Tom-Foolery
7.) Bad clock management before halftime
8.) Sideline audibles that accomplish nothing
9.) Balls on my chin under the bleachers
10.) RV pacing around seriously with his grumpy pants and green vest on
Still, the view from the stands was not all bad. The basketball team was onhand and that means that is time for UNT to be good at sports again!
Justin Howerton sez “no pictures, please!” (We agree, but can we interview you someday?)
Wait, what's that? Look everyone – students doing game broadcasts for grades:
The kid next to us in the Mavs jersey seemed to be new, because he actually had a lifeforce left to be drained during the game. He let himself belief that after we got a stop and the ball down 22-7, that we were going to cut into the lead. Silly n00b.
Then, the magic happened. A small group of alumni stormed the section, ready to declare their love for the confused students who couldn’t read their sign.
Actual quote: “Are those the weird guys from the internet?”
Not actual quote: “Run!”
Yes kids, the internet is here, and it likes you. Consider the unwanted relationship consumated, Bob Knight style. Seriously, thanks again students – even the number of you who remarked, “I didn’t vote for that thing,” during the procession. Also, you, dear reader, have not seen the last of this photo.
So, it was another timewarp Saturday of good times, excruitatingly bad football and a minimal amount of hijinx. I am sad to report that this is my last home game of the season (Thanksgiving is out of town with the inlaws), but I also cannot stress how happy I am that basketball is almost here. The only drama now is to see whehter the football or basketball team loses more games this season.
But hey, at least we throw the ball a lot now. So that’s nice.
3 comments:
Could someone email me the Rockin Rodeo whore picture? Thanks in advance
TY,
Thanks for the belated update on last Saturday's game. I heard verbal updates from Ioannis and Jimmer Jammer, but we old guys always like to look at the pictures. Sounds like dearing wants to see the Rockin Rodeo picture. Be careful with that request. You wouldn't want to lose your PG-13 family friendly blog rating.
It appears to be a given that the Mean Green will continue to come up with "SOSDS" (same old stuff different Saturday). Now we know what Bill Murray felt like in "Ground Hog Day".
P.S.: Thanks so much for your opening thoughts. I'll never think of grapefruit the same way again.
Well put together floats? I think you may be a bit confused. Ioannis should have a post coming soon that shows well put together floats, but they aren't pictures from UNT homecoming.
Also, whomever planned out the parking lot and street closures needs a lesson in logic: If the parade doesn't go down a particular road, it shouldn't be closed, and it makes no sense what so ever to prevent people from parking cars in parking lots that a: already have cars parked in them and b: have a non-parade route entrance. For the sake of UNT's standards as a higher education institution, I sure hope the moron who planned the traffic control wasn't UNT educated.
Post a Comment