An open letter from a rabid FIU fan

I recently received an email from FIU's self-proclaimed biggest fan, who coincidentally, is actually named Jeffrey Fan. Since the media always focuses on the records instead of the rich history of the FIU/UNT rivalry, we share this in the hopes that it gets you fired up for some amazing football tomorrow.

What up, you pale green bitches? I'm Dr. Jeffrey Fan, an Assistant Professor in electrical and computer engineering at FIU, but you, well you might as well call me Dr. Ass Rape. As you can tell from my bio, my interest include very large scale integrated circuit simulation, modeling, optimization, bio-electronics...and wait, there's a few items missing on that link. Put me down for kicking Mean Green ass, stringing your mother up by the ankles and going to town and tea-bagging your undersized defensive line with my throbbing ball sack. I also like embedded real-time operating system in application to robotic control, wireless communications in censor networks and breaking off your cock and sticking it through your earhole until it tickles your brain.

Am I vulgar? Hell yes, I'm vulgar when it comes to FIU football! I 'm sick of not getting respect. You taint-tasters look down your noses at us and the conference, but guess what - we are you. Oh wait, we can actually hang with Kansas State. Bet you wish you knew what it was like. You jerk-offs let them off the snide when they were a joke and now you can't handle it - just like you can't handle the Uber Panther Dong hiding in my pants.

We water-boarded you last year and now we are going to do it again in Denton. Why? Because we are the Owls (Ed: Dr. Fan wanted to say that FIU is twice the team the FAU Owls are, but then his boss came in and rushed his writing process. He invites all of you to suck his Uber Golden Panther Dong references earlier in the post.) We fight Miami and bring the pain. You and your sissy boys have been warned - we will not stop the pounding this weekend until our collective genitals turn black.

Oh, and if you ever decide to pursue a degree in electrical engineering, I hope you strongly consider FIU, where our mission is to impart knowledge through excellent teaching, promoting public service, discovering new knowledge, solving problems through research, and fostering creativity.

Bitch.

Wow, strong words. I don't know about you readers, but I hope our boys make a game of it. Otherwise, this rivalry could get real ugly. Go green!