Texas/OU Weekend at Fouts Field! (also, Louisiana Lafayette)

October 4th... October 11th... Why sweat the details?

For anyone who dreams of North Texas hosting BCS programs at a new stadium in Denton, last weekend's game against Louisiana Lafayette was like a glimpse of the future.

We weren't hosting the Longhorns, but their devoted "fans" were out in full force. Around every corner, in the parking lot and in the stadium... TEXAS DOUCHE was lurking.

Douche.

Douche.

Douche.

Douche.

Douche.

UBER (though quite friendly) Douche.

Considering that we came into the game as an 0-5 team, with the nation's 118th ranked offense and 119th ranked defense (both out of 119 teams), some might argue that we should be grateful that anyone at all showed up to watch.

I say that no matter how poor our record, we should never be willing to tolerate the double assault of:

Bluetooth Texas Douche.

The fact that last weekend (October 11th, for the record) was also the same date as Texas/OU doesn't absolve these crimes against clothing propriety. If anything, I feel the coincidence makes things worse. If you're so damn in love with Texas, this is your one opportunity to drive a mere 30 miles south and see them in person.

But these people didn't. They apparently have closer ties to North Texas. Yet they make it a point to show up in 3rd party apparel? Textbook Texas Douche.

This was bad... Very bad. As a fan base, we've been getting better about dialing down the douche levels at Fouts; but last weekend was a horrible outbreak. The seven douches above are just the ones who happened to pass nearby during our first hour of tailgating or that I walked past on my way out of the stadium.

Fouts was positively FLOODED with douche last weekend. Teeming. Overrun. Swamped. The whole place smelled like vinegar and terrible perfume.

Usually, when we're planning on using this feature, we'll spot someone off somewhere in the stadium and try to very subtly take their picture. At this game, douchebags were walking up and POSING for pictures. After an hour, I couldn't even bear the thought of taking another douche photo. People would point a new one out every few minutes, and I would just sigh and eat more delicious gumbo or chocolate chip cookies. We were drowning in douche, and I couldn't even bring myself to document but a tiny sample of it.

But don't think that the only brand of douche on display came in a burnt orange package. Oh no, there was douchery in all the colors of the rainbow.

Hoosier Daddy, young man? Is it one of those two douchebags?

Alfonso Soriano, fresh from his 1 for 14 performance in the NLDS.

But the worst by far... Oh, dear readers; the absolute worst I've ever seen... The one that made me want to vomit directly on his disgusting and inappropriate jersey... The abomination so foul that even the Pope would have to doubt whether a loving and just God can possibly exist, was none other than:

SMU Douche!? At Fouts?? WHAT THE HELL?!?

I can't... I just can't even talk about this. If the Talons didn't beat this man to death and hang his corpse from an I-35 overpass as a warning to those who would follow, then their charter should be revoked and the group should be disbanded.

The only way this makes sense is if SMU fans are getting so demoralized by their team's futility that they can't even bear to watch home games. The only comfort available on a football field is seeing the other school lose. Perhaps Rick V and Steve Orsini can work out a mutual ticket acceptance program so that North Texas fans can pay North Texas to watch SMU lose, and SMU can pay SMU to watch North Texas. Because the next best thing to cheering for your team's success is celebrating the failures of a school you loathe.

Anyway, not every fan in attendance was dressed such that they made me want to punch them in the face.

Thank you (for posing for this photo). Thank you very much.

This guy made me smile. I like to imagine that he's an Elvis impersonator who decided to take in a game on his day off.

Joker face!!! MEAN GREEN JOKER FACE!!!

This guy is a strong contender for Student Fan of the Year. At this point, it's either him or the green mohawk guy who wears a North Texas flag cape. If anyone has any other nominees, email them to us. Just recognize that we're obsessed with the Joker face concept, and any other nominees will be judged harshly against our heavily biased standard.

I suppose that at some point, I'm going to have to quit stalling and actually talk about the game. Before I do, let me say a public thanks to everyone who attended our tailgate. This is a very grim season, and sometimes the only thing that gets me through each Saturday with a smile still on my face is the sexy fun tailgating experience.

Special thanks to Tony (oldguystudent), who expects that he's made his last tailgating appearance for the season. He'll still be attending games whenever he can; it's just that working to feed his daughter is apparently more important to him than tailgating and feeding the rest of us.

Now, let's talk some football.

I had almost forgotten that it's legal for us to have more points on the board than the other team.

Let's talk about the positive stuff first. We led a game for the first time all year, and a very respectable start by both offense and defense proved that our fans are still desperately trying to support this team as hard as they can. There were several points where the crowd was absolutely roaring. It was a very pleasant change from the atmosphere against FIU, when the game could have been held inside Willis Library and not disturbed anyone.

Ursa Domina, who graduated from Baylor and has never seen a North Texas football game where Todd Dodge wasn't the head coach, was complaining (only half jokingly) that her hands hurt because she's not used to clapping so much. For a while, things were fun and exciting. The fans have been starving for a reason to cheer this team, and we finally had a strong, continuous run in a game that gave it to them.

Casey Fitzgerald is still super fantastic. And the defense gave a very respectable effort. They came out energized and played with intensity, forcing turnovers and hitting hard. One big early miscue, the reverse for a touchdown, I can easily forgive because of how aggressively they pursued the initial runner. If they had been playing hesitantly or on their heels, the reverse wouldn't have been as successful. Even after getting burned, the defense didn't back off. It feels odd to say this when ULL scored 59 points, but I think this game could give those guys some much needed confidence.

By the way, should we keep calling them ULL? I know there's some long running conflict between Lafayette and Monroe over the University of Louisiana name, but it seems to have been resolved in favor of the school I've always called Louisiana-Lafayette. The announcer at Fouts and the scoreboard both identified them only as the University of Louisiana. But the Sun Belt's official site and literature still calls them ULL. I don't want to perpetuate a North Texas State-style misidentification... What's the deal here?

Cajuns halftime strategy session: "What is going on with the Mean Green playcalling? Are Todds Dodge and Ford drunk?"

And now, some of the bad. Seriously, what IS going on with the playcalling? Down by two scores, we squandered amazing field position before the half. First and goal in the second half, and we're forcing our running back to go 6 yards to score a 1 yard touchdown? Down by 18 in the 4th quarter, we're kicking field goals when the ball is on the 6 yard line? Why can't we seem to manage the clock worth a damn in critical situations, this season or last?

I'm not a football coach (though I'll boldly guarantee that my lack of coaching experience wouldn't stop me from also leading this team to six blowout losses and a winless record), but some of this stuff seems rather elementary for us to keep seeing the same strategic and managerial errors. It reminds me of our first game at K-State, when we took a timeout early in the 1st quarter because we couldn't get a play called on 1st and 10 after a touchback. Basic stuff, handled ineptly.

I know that a lot of fans start foaming at the mouth as soon as anyone starts to criticize Todd Dodge... But these sorts of problems can't be blamed on talent or execution. It's all about the man in charge. And it worries me.

Some disappointed North Texas fans file out under cover of darkness.

But while some may be frustrated or embarrassed after yet another Todd Dodge loss, we here at TY Sports know how to find the silver lining. We finally took the lead in a game, however briefly. And we finally lost by less than 30 points. So what if it was 29 points? And so what if that's only because the Cajuns kneeled to run out the clock while inside our 10 yard line? Those are still MORAL VICTORIES.

Shoot off the Fireworks of Shame, baby! It's time to celebrate!

Anyone who'll be in Monroe this Saturday- We'll see you there.