Triumph of the Sauce

As North Texas fans everywhere continue to hit the panic button after each game, many are beginning to point accusatory fingers squarely at their own leadership. The Pizza Inn Nazi was noticeably absent during last week’s Game Day activities, leading Ioannis and to theorize that he was quietly consolidating his power. Now, we know the truth.

In a surprise move today, the Pizza Inn Nazi led an impromptu rally on the campus free speech square to rally support for a change in the administration. TYSports was able to obtain a copy of his horrific speech. It was shocking – and familiar. We fear this speech is only the next step in an elaborate ploy to wrest control of the program from its Super Sexy Leadership and take things in a previously unthinkable direction.

Just read the speech for youselves… and students remember, the only way to defeat Pizza Inn Nazi is to vote yes for the new stadium!

MORE than fourteen years have passed since the unhappy day when the Mean Green people, blinded by promises from foes at home and abroad, lost touch with honor and freedom, thereby losing all. Since that day of treachery, the Almighty has withheld his blessing from our people. Dissension, losing football seasons and hatred descended upon us. With profound distress, millions of the best North Texas men and women from all walks of life have seen the unity of the nation vanishing away, dissolving in a confusion of political and personal opinions, economic interests, and ideological differences. Since that day, as so often in the past, North Texas has presented a picture of heartbreaking disunity and losing football. We never received the stadium and success we had been promised, and we lost our pride to boot. For when our program lost its proper place in the Sun Belt, it soon lost its unity of spirit and will....

We are firmly convinced that the Mean Green football program entered the fight this season without the slightest feeling of guilt on its part and filled only with the desire to defend Fouts -which had been attacked.And to preserve the freedom, nay, the very existence, of the Mean Green nation. This being so, we can only see in the disastrous fate which has overtaken us since those December bowl days of 2004 - the result of our collapse at home. But the rest of the metroplex, too, has suffered no less since then from overwhelming crises. The balance of power which had evolved in the course of history, and which formerly played no small part in bringing about the understanding of the necessity for an internal solidarity of the Sun Belt, with all its advantages for trade and commerce, has been set on one side. The insane conception of victors and vanquished destroyed the confidence existing between programs, and, at the same time, the industry of the entire world.

The misery of our fans is horrible to behold! Millions of the fans are whining and starving for wins; the whole of the middle class and the small artisans have been impoverished by losing to Florida International. When this collapse finally reaches the Denton residents, we will be faced with an immeasurable disaster. For then not only shall a program collapse, but a two-thousand-year-old plan for a new stadium, some of the loftiest products of human culture and civilization.

All about us, the warning signs of this collapse are apparent. The North Texas Daily, with its method of madness, is making a powerful and insidious attack upon our dismayed and shattered nation. It seeks to poison and disrupt in order to hurl us into an epoch of chaos.... This negative, destroying spirit spared nothing of all that is highest and most valuable. Beginning with the family, it has undermined the very foundations of morality and faith and scoffs at culture and business, nation and football justice and honor. Fourteen years of RVism have ruined North Texas; one year of winlessness would destroy her. The richest and fairest tailgates of the world would be turned into a smoking heap of ruins. Even the sufferings of the last decade and a half could not be compared to the misery of a Denton in the heart of which the red flag of destruction had been hoisted. The thousands of missing fans, the hundreds of tailgate loiterers which this inner strife has already cost North Texas should be a warning of the storm which would come....

In those hours when our hearts were troubled about the life and the future of the Mean Green nation, the aged leader of the program appealed to us. He called to those of us in nationalist parties and leagues to struggle under him once more, in unity and loyalty, for the salvation of the Mean Green nation. This time the front lines are at home. The venerable RV has allied himself against us in this noble endeavor. And as leaders of the nation and the national Government we vow to God, to our conscience, and to our people that we will faithfully and resolutely fulfill the task conferred upon us.

The inheritance, which has fallen to us, is a terrible one. The task with which we are faced is the hardest which has fallen to Mean Green fans within the memory of man. But we are all filled with unbounded confidence for we believe in our people and their imperishable virtues. Every class and every individual must help us to found the new Stadium.

My Athletic Department will regard it as its first and foremost duty to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation. It will preserve and defend those basic principles on which our program has been built. It regards character as the foundation of our national morality, and the family as the basis of winning games.

Turbulent instincts must be replaced by a national discipline as the guiding principle of our players. All those institutions which are the strongholds of the energy and vitality of our program will be taken under the special care of my Athletic Department. My Athletic Department intends to solve the problem of the reorganization of trade and commerce with two four-year plans:

The casual fan must be rescued in order that the fan base may be supplied with the necessities of life....

A concerted and all-embracing attack must be made on SMU in order that the Mean Green working class may be saved from ruin....and lawn-mowing jobs.

The out-of-conference losses have ruined the North Texas peasantry for 80 years.

In 80 years, they have created an army of millions of losses and memorable failures – like the Rice game.

The Athletic Department will, with iron determination and unshakable steadfastness of purpose, put through the following plan:

Within four years, the Mean Green fan must be rescued from the quagmire into which he has fallen.

Within four years, losing football must be finally overcome. At the same time, the conditions necessary for a revival in trade and commerce are provided.

Kram1 has called upon us to bring about the revival of the Mean Green nation. Unity is our tool. Therefore, we now appeal to the fans to support this reconciliation, no matter what the consequences. The Athletic Department wishes to work and it will work. It almost ruined the fanbase for 80 years, but now it will lead the nation back to health.

It is determined to make well in four years the ills of 80 years. But the Athletic Department cannot make the work of reconstruction dependent upon the approval of those who wrought destruction. RV and his lackeys have had more than seven years to show what they can do. The result is a heap of ruins.

Now, people of Denton, give us four years and then pass judgment upon us. In accordance with my command, we shall begin now. May God Almighty give our work His blessing, strengthen our purpose, and endow us with wisdom and the trust of our people, for we are fighting not for ourselves but for Mean Green football. And delicious meaty, cheesy, Pizza Inn pizza.