Wow, that's going to be topical!

Tina gazes into the future, conjuring up visions of pop culture references to come.
(Apologies to TY SuperFriend LongJim)

We at TY Sports like to show our pop culture savvy and struggle to hang on to our fast-fading youth by dropping gratuitous references to movies, TV, and politics of the day. We're not as bad about it as some of the pros, especially Bill Simmons, but we do it on occasion. We think that "wow that's topical!" references help us show the kids that we're still hip and engaged in their world better than dancing the Charleston or shouting "Show me the money!" possibly could.

In the past, it's been evident in TY complaining about the advertising onslaught for Sex and the City. Other times, it's either or both of us painting crappy Joker makeup on athletes and politicians. And of course, who could forget our recent attempt to exploit Sarah Palin-mania to drive up our website traffic. We've also confused a very polite immigrant basketball player with questions about obscure Magic Johnson videos and Soulja Boy songs. Throw in a few casual comments about plot developments in Lost and box office grosses for Cloverfield, and I think it's clear that if TY Sports isn't the cultural vanguard, then we at least have our pulse on the world of pop culture.

But that's all in the past. And the kids HATE history. They like drugs and rap music. And saltwater taffy.

What's the FUTURE? What will have our half-dozen regular readers screaming "WOW! That's topical!" next month? What about next year?? We're not serving the audience unless we're getting them ready for our gratuitous movie references of the future.

So, here you go, loyal reader. Your cultural primer of anticipated movie references for the next six months. It's our attempt to prepare you so you can more fully appreciate the dick jokes of the future.

Halloween:
High School Musical 3 - I don't know anything about the series and I don't think I've ever seen any of the actors in anything else. Expect us to do some cranky old man complaining about how in our day, made-for-cable TV movies didn't get theatrical releases for their second sequel.
Oliver Stone's "W." - It's got the guy from "No Country for Old Men" playing Bush. It's got hot women (Elizabeth Banks and Thandie Newton) playing... Let's just say, not-so-hot women in Laura Bush and Condoleezza Rice. If nothing else, I'll probably grumble about a proud Greek actor portraying a scumbag like Paul Wolfowitz.

Thanksgiving:
The Road - This one seems like a dead ringer metaphor that we'll inevitably tie in to North Texas football. Two guys trying to navigate a post-apocalyptic ash-covered wasteland where not even hope can survive? Too easy. And what's down in their cellar at the Athletics Center?
Twilight - Take Harry Potter, mix with Sex and the City, and throw in some gothy angst and vampires... And apparently you get this movie. Supposedly, this will take the kids and the ladies of the world by storm. All I know is, the living room and kitchen counter in my apartment are currently covered with Twilight series books that my roommate (a 25 year old female) has become totally obsessed with.

Christmas:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - It's got Brad Pitt aging backwards. And it's made by David Fincher, the director of Seven and Fight Club! Will Pitt pour lye on someone's hand? Will he find Cate Blanchett's severed head in a box? Whatever he does, I can hardly wait to make gratuitous reference to it on the internet.

New Year's:
Valkyrie - Tom Cruise as a crazy eyepatch-wearing Nazi officer. Perhaps Nazi eyepatches will be the next evolution of Jokerface photoshop retouching.

Valentine's Day:
He's Just Not That Into You - OMG! TY and I are totes going to see this and have hours of girltalk afterwards. You bring the ice cream, I'll bring my roommate's copies of the Twilight novels!
Untitled Wayans Brothers movie - "A comedy about a rich, suburban white girl who gets into a series of misadventures when she moves to the inner-city." It sounds like the Wayans brothers threw the scripts for White Chicks and Little Man in a blender, added a cup of human feces, and made MOVIE MAGIC!

St. Patrick's Day:
Watchmen - Please don't let this get screwed up. Please don't let this get screwed up. PLEASE! Even more than "The Road", PLEASE don't botch this adaptation. I've read two graphic novels in my entire life; this one, and "300" because it was about Thermopylae and that movie had yet to be announced. I might break down and cry if they ruin this movie... And I mean cry harder than a little girl who's parents won't buy her a ticket for...

April Fool's Day:
The Hannah Montana Movie - TY Sports contributor(?) Nappy Headed Ho is legally required to stay at least 300 feet away from anyone under the age of 16. But he insists that we're going to hold TinaCon 2009 on opening night of this movie. Should be fun!

There you go. Six months worth of anticipated movie references. No need to thank us, we're just carrying the fire. (Wow, that's going to be topical!)