Coup d’état, Skippy style

Like Oprah's weight gain, Tommy Lee's hepatitis and Steve Jobs' cancerous pancreas, Skippy is back with a vengeance to submit a guest column while asserting hypothetical dominance. While we continue to struggle to figure out the best way to lead a team of donkeys into battle against the cold steel of Bolivian tanks and artillery, this bastard is making his push to win your hearts. Enjoy(?)

So while Ioannis is in South America, fomenting revolution in Bolivia, I thought I might provide a little love to the TY Sports faithful. And unlike TY, I mean that figuratively. Unless you are a fine looking lady, then we can talk… But in the meantime, let’s revisit what Ioannis really brings to the table.

I know you all miss Ioannis’s shenanigans, but seriously he kind of sucks. I mean anyone can take pictures of douchery. Look at these gems from the UNT vs Arkansas State game.

Texas douche enjoys a beer at the Ben E Keith tent

2 for 1 douches: RockChalk and Pittsburg Penguins

The rare speckled breasted Texas Rangers douche

Now that is some good douche reporting! Ioannis never brought you a Rangers douche. Only Skippy can force-feed you such genius.

And pictures of Rick V? Come on has Ioannis ever brought you these tight buttocks?

Ricky V shows his good side

And what about all his so-called “research” he brings to the table? It all leads to the same thing: he misses Darrell Dickey and thinks Todd Dodge sucks. Wow. I am blown away. That is irreplaceable. And about as useful as 3 out of 4 dentists recommending Trident gum. You can’t blow bubbles with it, so screw it. Watch, I can do it too.

Todd Dodge is off to the worst start in North Texas history. If we look at the history of sucky head coaches, we can see he is doomed for failure. I heart Brett Vito’s giant noggin and Darrell Dickey.

See? Easy! I think I should just replace him permanently.

Besides, I had my doubts about this Bolivia nonsense anyway. So I did a little digging and I think I know the real story here. I think that Ioannis is really in Greece leading the riots against the government.

This picture from Reuters clearly shows the calling card Anarchy symbol that Ioannis is so known for. And if you squint hard enough, you can make out his form in the shadows, using lasers against Greek police. My suspicions were confirmed by this email response I received from Ioannis.

“Skippy, you are correct. I am not in Bolivia, but in Greece shooting the police with lasers and painting anarchy symbols on burning cars.”

Is this really the type of person you want providing your dick jokes and fake sports news? I think not.

So to inaugurate the reign of Skippy the Greek Slayer, I bring you this excellent oil stain from the Blockbuster parking lot that looks like a penis:

Clearly, this is an omen from God that I must take Ioannis’s place.

And sinceGoMeanGreen.com laid down the law on swearing, I empower you all to say shit and fuck as much as you want here!

Long live Skippy!!!